GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — Humans weren’t meant to be all alone. In fact, insufficient social connection can lead to increased risk of diseases – not to mention the toll it can take on your mental health.
It’s why community members in Grand Rapids are making it a point to create the connections humans crave.
“We’re people when we need each other,” says Michelle Vamsledright. She says it’s something she learned the hard way when she lost her job a couple of years ago.
“There was a lot of just being at home, being bored,” she says. “I'd just be like, ‘Well, I watched TV today,’ and so it was just a lot of, ‘What am I doing with my life?’”
She may have been lonely – but she’s not alone.
According to the surgeon general’s 2023 loneliness advisory, a 2022 study found that when people were asked how close they felt to others emotionally, only 39% of adults in the U.S. said that they felt very connected to others.
“I don't know that we fully recovered from that we've traced, you know, social isolation increasing alongside increased use of technology,” says Dr. Lindsay Volpe-Bertram, section chief of Adult Psychology at Corewell Health West.
Dr. Volpe-Bertram says the impact goes beyond just mental health.
“[There are] things like depression and anxiety and other mental health disorders, but also it’s related with increased risk of cardiovascular health, dementia and certainly other things that are listed there too.”
It’s something Caledonia native David Good has had experience with his whole life.
“I was kind of isolated because of being born with that, the condition that used to be going Asperger’s, … I was lonely, numbing my pain with video games, like 12 hours a day,” says David. “Just kind of be obsessed with … being online all the time.”
After a car accident threw off his lifelong plan to be a software engineer, he decided to make some changes.
“I got in touch with, like, the best mentors, read the best books, best therapists and coaches, and it was been a 10-year journey of learning how to communicate better,” says David.
With online tools like Facebook and Meetup, he’s been using the skills he’s learned to bring people in Grand Rapids together for over a decade now.
“The 50 chapters locally, we have West Michigan Geeks,” David explains. “We have West Michigan Introverts and Shy People, 30s and 40s group.”
It’s a social enterprise he calls the International Friend Connection.
“We put on almost like 4,400, 4,500 free events in 11 years between online, in-person events,” says David.
Those events are creating opportunities for strangers to make friends – or even more.
“[We’ve had] a lot of guys who never thought they'd have a girlfriend, or people who never thought they'd find someone. We had many couples get married,” says David.
Michelle started off as a participant for West Michigan Geeks. She’s now running the group.
“It's definitely changed me a lot,” says Michelle. “I would say the biggest change is that I am a lot more confident. … It's been really good for me. I feel like I’ve grown a lot since I’ve taken over this group. And it's just it's been a really enjoyable experience.”
“Will I be 85 and regret not having tried?” says David. “That's what I say to people that are isolated and lonely: ‘Don't be 85, look back in your life and what could have happened had you only tried.’”
David Good was even recognized by former President Joe Biden with a letter and gold medal for his work with International Friend Connection. He’s since started a new program called Friend Magnet, and his dream is to help a million people around the world within the decade.
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