GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — Some people say that we choose our parents before we come into this world, but what they don’t tell us is that we don’t get a say in how much time we get with them. As Mother’s Day approaches, many people say they just wish they had more time.
“My mom was one of the greatest moms growing up. If I had to handpick a mom, I couldn't have done any better,” Linda Kaylor, who lives in Allegan, told FOX 17.
Sunday will be her first Mother’s Day without her mom, Cynthia Lane. She told FOX 17 that she felt like she lost her mother twice. The first was five years ago when Cynthia was diagnosed with dementia, then again when she passed away in February.
“Finally, the day came. She was ready and I told her to let go and go be with dad,” she recalled. “As she took her final breaths, her and my dad's special song came on the radio at that very moment. 'Smoke Gets In Your Eyes' was the first song that they had danced to when they met.”
Linda likes to believe that her dad was there to help her mother pass on. While this holiday won’t be easy, the memories of Cynthia Lane being an amazing mother, grandmother and great-grandmother will live on.
“I can't thank her enough for the childhood she gave me and the love she showed me,” she said.
No matter if the loss was two months ago or 20 years ago, the pain remains the same.
“She meant everything to me. She taught me how to be a gentleman, how to be a man, how to treat people, how to treat women, how to live, how to live off the land, we always gardened and had a farm,” said Teddy Harbin, who lives in Paw Paw.
He remembers his mom, Phyllis Harbin, as a wonderful person. She died of heart complications in 2003.
“When she first died, I drank a lot,” he said. “You can always find an excuse to drink. But can you find an excuse to stay sober?”
Phyllis became his reason. Now, sitting on a dock, casting a fishing line, and looking out at the water is when he feels the closest to his mother. It’s how he plans to spend Mother’s Day.
Teddy and Linda may not be able to give their mom a card this Sunday, but the things they wish they could say one last time, are just enough.
If you’re missing a mother ahead of the holiday, a grief counselor with Emmanuel Hospice says it's important to acknowledge the loss and have compassion for yourself.
“That might be in private if you prefer, maybe it's lighting a candle, maybe it's listening to that person's favorite song or cooking their favorite meal, perhaps it's visiting their grave site and leaving flowers,” Merrin Bethel said.
She added that if you have siblings or know other people who are going through the same thing, try to spend time with them so you’re not alone.
