MIDDLEVILLE, Mich. — October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. A devastating grief journey so many families face.
Many times, families mourning in silence. A Middleville mother lost her daughter at 22 weeks. Since then, there's been no timeline for her grief.
Ashley Bettig lost Piper Lynne Bettig on March 30, 2021. Ashley has found healing though in making boxes for other grieving families that allow her daughter's memory to live on.
Ashley and her husband Robert have their hands full now. Busy with 4-year-old Garrett and 3-month-old Elliott.
Getting to the happy place the family feels right now, has been a journey with no timelines.
"Some people are very uncomfortable about it. It's almost a taboo topic still, and so we're hoping to bring light to that too that it's OK to talk about it," said Ashley Bettig.
Bettig continued, "We had 30 minutes with her, which was amazing. We have pictures with her. She reached up and grabbed my finger right away, so I was able to snuggle with her. So, we just had some good time together with that."
"It was very hard to be able to stand as a rock and support Ash when we were going through this. It's emotionally draining," said Robert Bettig, Ashley's husband.
The butterfly is a part of the family's everyday life now. It's the symbol they choose to remember Piper by. A butterfly garden now sits outside their home. Ashley has a butterfly tattoo with Piper's ashes in the ink. And the symbol is found all around the home. 4-year-old Garrett feels especially connected to the symbol, and his sister.
"We're having a rough moment, or I could be thinking of her, and he'll come up and go, Piper wanted me to hug you. Which is just crazy, I just love it. So she's still very much a part of our everyday lives," said Ashley.
Ashley's pregnancy with Garrett, her oldest, was completely normal, which left her asking, why me?
"In Ashley's case, specifically, she had had a fair amount of bleeding throughout her pregnancy where she lost her daughter," said Erin Fricke, maternal fetal medicine physician Spectrum Health.
The choice to try for a third child felt nerve-wracking. The Maternal Fetal Medicine Team at Spectrum Health created a specialized program for Ashley with weekly check -ins.
"We try very hard to predict the points of pregnancy, which might be the highest risk time period for each patient, and pay really close attention to very slight nuances that might be slightly different," said Fricke.
"When the tech would say, yes he looks good this week, I'd be like ahhh. Just a big sigh of relief, every single time," said Ashley.
It's been important for Ashley to acknowledge her loss, and say her daughter's name. She created "Piper's Garden" boxes that are just a small piece of that remembrance.
"We had a received a box for Piper when we were at the hospital which had her blanket in it, and the little stuffed animal, a couple other things. It was very sweet, and it was a comfort because we couldn't bring her home, so we had something else that we brought home with us," said Ashley.
Those boxes include blankets sewn by Ashley's Mom, hats sewn by a grandmother in Scotland, Ashley's aunt, and a local teacher. The boxes also include an angel ornament, butterfly bush seeds to plant a garden of their own, a heart memento, and a journal.
Passing out these boxes at local hospitals and to families that need them is a source of healing.
"I hope that they know that they're not alone. Because that's the big thing. And that they have a piece of comfort," said Ashley.
Piper's loss will always be felt, but so will her presence. Snuggling baby Elliott makes the family feel whole.
"He's such a chill baby, he does so good. It's amazing because he fills in the cracks and helps with, there will always be a hole in our heart, but he helps make it better," said Ashley.
"Oh, I love him. I've got the two best boys in the world," said Robert.
Spectrum Health says the highest risk for pregnancy loss is in the first 12 weeks, after that, less than 5% in the second trimester, and less than 1% in the third.
Those statistics feel very isolating for women and families, but doctors tell me pregnancy and infant loss is much more common than women realize.
Ashley is a member of PALS: Pregnancy After Infant Loss Support online. At the link below, the state of Michigan provides a comprehensive list of resources including support groups, counselors, non-profits, and funeral coverage.
