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Kalamazoo shooting victim Tiana Carruthers speaks during emotional press conference

Posted at 1:49 PM, Apr 14, 2016
and last updated 2016-04-14 20:08:42-04

KALAMAZOO, Mich. — Tiana Carruthers said she should hate the man who shot her four times during the Kalamazoo shooting spree in February. But, she doesn’t.

“I ask myself everyday: Why don’t I hate this man?” said Carruthers during her first public appearance since the shootings on February 20. “I feel like I should but I don’t. And sometimes I get angry with myself because I don’t.”

Carruthers spoke candidly during a press conference held at Borgess Medical Center. She was one of two survivors from that night. Investigators said she was shot multiple times while shielding children from gunfire at the Meadows Townhomes in Richland Township.  Carruthers said it's "what any parent would do." Her recovery though has come with its challenges.

"It's hard just trying to walk, trying to use my arm," said Carruthers speaking into a cluster of microphones, while wearing an arm brace and sitting in a wheelchair. "I can’t take care of my daughter. It's not the same. It's not the same."

Carruthers told a packed room of reporters, sheriff's deputies and medical staff about her struggles. She said since the shootings happened she's has a new perspective on life.

“Just being 25 you know, just being in a wheel chair, just trying to walk. I put a smile on my face every day,” said Carruthers. “I’m trying to be the same person I was but that is entirely impossible.”

She expressed her desire to meet the other families directly involved, including 14-year-old Abigail Kopf who survived as well. Carruthers said loved her and called her a "miracle."

"I just want to say to the other families and everyone that was affected by this that I feel for you but I can never tell you that I know how you feel," said Carruthers. "I feel like this has connected us in so many ways. I mean, I feel like we’re like family."

Though emotional, Carruthers was remarkably upbeat during her 30-minute press conference. Carruthers said she was grateful for the overwhelming support she has received from family, friends and well-wishers in the community.

"I want to express how thankful I am," she said. "The list is so long, it's unbelievable."

Carruthers closed the press conference by singing a special thank you into the microphone.

A GoFundMe page has been set up to help Tiana with medical costs.

The Associated Press contributed to this report